What's new with 22?

My neighbors (Hunter and Garrett) and I

One of my friends from high school commented on how I hadn't written a blog in about a month, so I decided to take time out of my busy school schedule to do so! 

In just a few days I will be turning 22. To me this has no great significance. In fact, it is just another year closer to 30. Not that it is a bad thing, I would just rather stay 21 forever! Being 21 brought me many memories, good and bad. But mostly good! I cannot imagine being in a happier place in my life at the moment. I've learned a lot about myself and met some pretty amazing people along the way. 

Since I turned 21:

I got to go to the beach for the first time.

I got to go to Vegas! (not for the first time, but it was my first time going as a LEGAL adult)

I got to finally buy my first bottle of wine!

I became extremely close with my neighbors who turned out to be extraordinary guys and great friends. 

I got to be the girl standing closest to my sister as I watched her marry the man of her dreams. 

I will soon be an Aunt to my first nephew that will be joining my two adorable nieces. 

I filed my intent to graduate.

I figured out that going home is the perfect escape to the busy school life (even though I couldn't wait to leave when I was 18)

I reconnected with old friends, and made a lot of new along the way.

I lost 35 pounds...and counting!

I figured out its okay to go with the flow and quit trying to plan every detail of my life out.

I managed to do even better in all my classes than ever before.

I started my photography passion into a personal non-professional business and love it very much.

I got to watch my brother's very last basketball game ever after watching him for 13 years. 

I got to camp out in Raiderville. 

I laughed a lot.

I cried a lot.

I smiled a lot. 

But most importantly...I learned a lot. About myself, about life, and about my friends.

This year has brought many milestones that I consider to be huge impacts in my life. People I will never forget, and moments I will always cherish. For that, I thank all those people for bringing that light in my life. I may not know where I'm going..but I know where I've been. And I know that no matter what, each day is a blessing and I will continually enjoy them. I want to laugh more than ever before, and can't wait to see what the next year will bring my friends and family. Everything happens so quickly. I know that now because of hindsight, but will be more careful now to enjoy every great moment I live in. 

So what is new with 22? Right now, I feel like it will just be another day in the life of this girl. But after seeing all the great things that come in one year...I have big plans for 22. I just don't know what they are yet. I have a feeling they will be amazing though :) 

“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” -- Abraham Lincoln

We Miss You

10 years ago today, my two favorite people in the world took their last helicopter flight away from my basketball game. They weren't just MY grandparents...they were EVERYONE'S Granny and Papa. They flew to all of our basketball games and were well known by everyone in my community. All my friends knew them as "Granny and Papa" and would ask if "Granny and Papa" were flying down from Amarillo to watch us play. 

I remember this day like it was yesterday. And I remember vividly our pastor, Mike Martin, telling Papa to be careful going home. To that Papa responded with "We always are! Don't worry about us." We went to eat at CJ's Pizza in Gruver and Granny made sure to write down everything I wanted for my 12th birthday coming up. She was known to spoil us, and yes, we took FULL advantage of that when we decided what to ask for when our birthdays were coming up. We dropped them off at the little Gruver airport where they left their helicopter during the game and then about the time we got to our house, we saw their lights up against the stars as they circled our country home and told us "goodbye" in their own way for the last time. That would be the last time I ever saw these two amazing people. The next morning all the lights were on the house and my dad was awake before I was. So I knew what was coming. They didn't make it home. But we had to continue on to school that day. And it was tough. I think about them every single day and wish they could still be here with us. The ten days it took to find them were torturous for me and the rest of my family. The basketball tournament that next weekend was held in their honor and they were finally found before the tournament ended. Such a bittersweet moment that I will never forget.

They always told my mom not to worry if they passed away while flying. Because if they did, they would be going away together and going away doing something they loved. And that they did. On Amarillo.com you can still see the articles and the headline that sticks out the most to me is one that says "Randall Couple Died Doing What They Loved." So we wouldn't have it any other way. Just wish we could steal some more time with them. They have missed weddings and graduations and many stepping stones from which we feel a void without them. But I know that somehow they see us, and are smiling right along with us! We love you Granny and Papa...and miss you every day!

"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." ~ Helen Keller

The Tea

Sunset from my front yard by Gruver, TX

Last night I experienced a heart wrenching moment at a place I least expected. Walmart. I know, right? Ghetto nation and I'm in the middle of it in tears at 9:00 at night. I was walking down the coffee aisle and I was trying to find my selection. I heard a sobbing to my left. Down the aisle a couple of feet, standing in front of the tea, was an older man. He was in his mid-60's I would suspect. I was hesitant to go up to him because I was unsure if he was really crying or if it was just some kind of mental or health issue and it was normal for him to be doing that. I stood there fumbling around the coffee for another minute or two to see if he would stop, but he didn't. 

He was now covering his face with his hands just standing in front of the tea selections. So I walked up next to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder. I asked him if he was okay, or if he needed help. He caught his breath and asked me, "What am I going to do? What kind of tea am I supposed to get?" I wasn't sure what to think at this point. I was confused about why a man would be crying because he couldn't decide what tea to get. I asked him what kind he was looking for, such as green tea, hot tea, herbal tea, sun tea, etc. He just shook his head and kept crying. He looked at me and said "For the last 42 years my wife took care of the tea for me. She knew what kind I liked and always had it made for me anytime I needed it. Cancer took her from me today, and we are out of tea. I don't know what kind to get." I immediately started tearing up but kept my composure for the moment. 

He started crying quietly again and began to tell me about his precious wife who had lost her third bout with cancer by refusal to seek treatment this time around. He said he was holding her hand the second she stopped breathing and he knew she was his angel. He showed me some pictures of her that he had stored in his wallet. Such a pretty woman with long blonde hair and light skin. He said all he wanted right now was to get his tea. I asked if there was someone in his family that would know and he could call...he said his wife was the only person to shop for him or make his tea. He stopped crying and apologized and glanced over the selections again and just chose a box of Lipton tea and dropped it in his basket. He looked at me again and told me I was a kind young lady and reminded him a lot of his wife in many ways and he feels like she sent me there to help him. I'm not sure about all that, but I do feel touched by this man's story. He asked if he could hug me and of course I told him yes. He hugged me and said "God bless you, young lady. Thank you for your concern." I said your welcome and he went on his way. 

I stood there kind of frozen for a minute then started lightly crying to myself. You never know where you might be at the exact moment you realize you have lost someone. For this man it was standing in the middle of a Walmart aisle. You never realize how much someone is a part of your life until that moment. Even if it is something as simple as not knowing what kind of tea you like. I have had many of those moments after losing someone. It's a hard thing to go through. It was great to be reminded how important loved ones are and how much they mean in my life. So don't take anything for granted and don't forget to tell those you love how much you appreciate them. 

“When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” -G.K. Chesterton

Sweet Nostalgia

In light of analyzing the past year of my life...I have come to one conclusion: LIFE GOES ON.

I have gone through many changes within this last year and I can honestly say I wouldn't take one moment back. Some of it was extremely tough to go through, but I truly believe I am stronger because of it. I gained a lot in the last year and I have lost some as well.

I had to deal with my first broken heart but got to figure out how to love myself and gain my confidence back. I had to learn to let go of the single person who made me happiest and most upset all in one...But in the meantime I found out that I can love another. And that God knows what He's doing. Sometimes two people just aren't compatible. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with either of them. It's just not meant to be. There is no better feeling than finally reaching that realization.

I gained a new family member this year as well. I now have an amazing new brother-in-law who made all my big sister's dreams come true. I can never express how thankful I am for having this perfect addition to our family. i don't remember another time that I have ever been as happy for someone else as I was for my sister on her wedding day. It was a day we had dreamed about for years and it finally came true. I feel like she could not have found a better match and that they will have a lifetime full of blessings to come.

More recently, I have reunited with old friends and met some amazing new ones. I know friendships are true when I feel like I've known someone forever after just spending a couple days with them. Words cannot describe the appreciation and love I have for my friends, new and old. They have stuck with me and listened to my whining, complaining, and lame jokes. And they always do so with a smile and a hug.

I couldn't ask for more in my life at the moment. So many things have happened and changed for me. And I do not regret one of those things. I some of my biggest ups and biggest downs during this time and I will forever be thankful for the people who came in and out of my life during that time, and of course am truly thankful for those who are here to stay. I'm doin' alright for the time being and couldn't ask for anything better than this.

The Chorus from the song "This" by Darius Rucker kind of puts things in perspective for my mental state and the way I view all of this that has happened the last year.

"Every stoplight I didnt make

Every chance I did or I didnt take

All the nights I went too far

All the girls that broke my heart

All the doors that I had to close

All the things I knew but I didn't know

Thank god for all I missed

Cause it led me here to this"