We Miss You

10 years ago today, my two favorite people in the world took their last helicopter flight away from my basketball game. They weren't just MY grandparents...they were EVERYONE'S Granny and Papa. They flew to all of our basketball games and were well known by everyone in my community. All my friends knew them as "Granny and Papa" and would ask if "Granny and Papa" were flying down from Amarillo to watch us play. 

I remember this day like it was yesterday. And I remember vividly our pastor, Mike Martin, telling Papa to be careful going home. To that Papa responded with "We always are! Don't worry about us." We went to eat at CJ's Pizza in Gruver and Granny made sure to write down everything I wanted for my 12th birthday coming up. She was known to spoil us, and yes, we took FULL advantage of that when we decided what to ask for when our birthdays were coming up. We dropped them off at the little Gruver airport where they left their helicopter during the game and then about the time we got to our house, we saw their lights up against the stars as they circled our country home and told us "goodbye" in their own way for the last time. That would be the last time I ever saw these two amazing people. The next morning all the lights were on the house and my dad was awake before I was. So I knew what was coming. They didn't make it home. But we had to continue on to school that day. And it was tough. I think about them every single day and wish they could still be here with us. The ten days it took to find them were torturous for me and the rest of my family. The basketball tournament that next weekend was held in their honor and they were finally found before the tournament ended. Such a bittersweet moment that I will never forget.

They always told my mom not to worry if they passed away while flying. Because if they did, they would be going away together and going away doing something they loved. And that they did. On Amarillo.com you can still see the articles and the headline that sticks out the most to me is one that says "Randall Couple Died Doing What They Loved." So we wouldn't have it any other way. Just wish we could steal some more time with them. They have missed weddings and graduations and many stepping stones from which we feel a void without them. But I know that somehow they see us, and are smiling right along with us! We love you Granny and Papa...and miss you every day!

"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." ~ Helen Keller

Snow and Cold!

Snow I took a picture of in Amarillo-2009

I hear a bunch of people complaining and upset about the snow lately. Especially on facebook. Everyone's status has something (usually negative) to say about the weather. Truth is, usually in the dead heat of summer, they want it to be winter again. It's hard to please people, I guess! I wouldn't want to be in charge of the weather. But anyways--I thought that I might help people out by giving them 7 things to do during this kind of weather to not help them view it a bit more positively!

1. Build a snowman...duh

2. Make snow ice cream! Double DUH

3. It's a great excuse to have your favorite homemade SOUP!!

4. Hot Chocolate too! :)

5. Marshmallows + Fireplace = Heaven

6. Or you can build a bomb shelter..you know, just in case..

7. Or you can just keep your beers cold. That's always a plus.

It may not make everything better to do these things, but hopefully it gives you some ideas! And a smile :)

--"When snow falls, nature listens."  ~Antoinette van Kleeff--

Poetry!

I really am shy about sharing my poetry because, yes, I have had people make fun of me for writing poetry! But today, as I was cleaning out things in my guest room closet, I found an old portfolio of some poems I had written when I was little. They are kinda cool so I decided to put a couple on here!

Momma's flowers

Look at this flower.

It represents my soul.

The flower blooms so pretty,

and then wilts during the fall.

It resembles all that's beautiful,

but always has to die.

Later on in time, 

it will come back to life.

God grant this gorgeous flower,

All that it deserves.

Lord, lift it higher

so it can show what the Great One serves.

I want to live again.

Let my spirit shine through.

I know that forgiven be our sins,

so why is this flower's color so blue?

The Bottle

Something so small.

It has power beyond belief.

every time I see that bottle

I know I am about to fall.

That rough hand holds onto it tight.

Please, Daddy, please put it down

I want this all to go away.

I don't want you and Mommy to fight tonight.

Why does this bottle have to be your best friend?

Don't you love us anymore?

Throw that bottle away please, oh please. 

I know that unlike us, it won't be there for you in the end.

I have a bad feeling about it this time.

That bottle is about to take over.

Please don't yell, please don't leave.

Why does me seeing that bottle feel like a crime?

Here we go again. This is all I can take. 

You hold on to it so, so tight.

We are the ones that belong in your life. 

Sometimes I just wish that damn bottle would break.

The Tea

Sunset from my front yard by Gruver, TX

Last night I experienced a heart wrenching moment at a place I least expected. Walmart. I know, right? Ghetto nation and I'm in the middle of it in tears at 9:00 at night. I was walking down the coffee aisle and I was trying to find my selection. I heard a sobbing to my left. Down the aisle a couple of feet, standing in front of the tea, was an older man. He was in his mid-60's I would suspect. I was hesitant to go up to him because I was unsure if he was really crying or if it was just some kind of mental or health issue and it was normal for him to be doing that. I stood there fumbling around the coffee for another minute or two to see if he would stop, but he didn't. 

He was now covering his face with his hands just standing in front of the tea selections. So I walked up next to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder. I asked him if he was okay, or if he needed help. He caught his breath and asked me, "What am I going to do? What kind of tea am I supposed to get?" I wasn't sure what to think at this point. I was confused about why a man would be crying because he couldn't decide what tea to get. I asked him what kind he was looking for, such as green tea, hot tea, herbal tea, sun tea, etc. He just shook his head and kept crying. He looked at me and said "For the last 42 years my wife took care of the tea for me. She knew what kind I liked and always had it made for me anytime I needed it. Cancer took her from me today, and we are out of tea. I don't know what kind to get." I immediately started tearing up but kept my composure for the moment. 

He started crying quietly again and began to tell me about his precious wife who had lost her third bout with cancer by refusal to seek treatment this time around. He said he was holding her hand the second she stopped breathing and he knew she was his angel. He showed me some pictures of her that he had stored in his wallet. Such a pretty woman with long blonde hair and light skin. He said all he wanted right now was to get his tea. I asked if there was someone in his family that would know and he could call...he said his wife was the only person to shop for him or make his tea. He stopped crying and apologized and glanced over the selections again and just chose a box of Lipton tea and dropped it in his basket. He looked at me again and told me I was a kind young lady and reminded him a lot of his wife in many ways and he feels like she sent me there to help him. I'm not sure about all that, but I do feel touched by this man's story. He asked if he could hug me and of course I told him yes. He hugged me and said "God bless you, young lady. Thank you for your concern." I said your welcome and he went on his way. 

I stood there kind of frozen for a minute then started lightly crying to myself. You never know where you might be at the exact moment you realize you have lost someone. For this man it was standing in the middle of a Walmart aisle. You never realize how much someone is a part of your life until that moment. Even if it is something as simple as not knowing what kind of tea you like. I have had many of those moments after losing someone. It's a hard thing to go through. It was great to be reminded how important loved ones are and how much they mean in my life. So don't take anything for granted and don't forget to tell those you love how much you appreciate them. 

“When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” -G.K. Chesterton

"Colder Weather"

This song, in my opinion, is one of the best written songs to come around for a while. Most definitely Zac Brown's most intriguing song to date. Even if country music isn't your forté, I think if you listen you will agree that this song is outstanding in meaning and substance. Many of my non-country listening friends adore this song and have listened to it on repeat for days after I introduced it to them. 

To me, this song hits home because the male character in the song seems to be a lot how people describe me and the lyrics speak of things I have in my mind thought, or even said to someone before. The girl would give up anything to be with this guy but she gets left behind by whatever is keeping him away. If Zac Brown wrote this song about himself, then maybe he's speaking of a dying romance because his dream of singing was more important so he would leave for shows. The male in the song obviously has commitment issues but is very torn. Part of the song says:

You're a lover, I'm a runner
And we go round and round
And I love you, but I leave you
I don't want you, but I need you

This is very interesting to me because I have said those same things. Commitment issues lie down further than the surface. Bad relationships, bad childhood, even just a single bad experience can make this an issue. Another thing is that she tells him that he is a "ramblin' man" and has "a gypsy soul" and was "born for leaving," which he admits to as well. Those are words that my friends often times describe me with, saying every time I get close to ANYONE, I run. Or shut myself off...but find myself conflicting my own opinion and trying to seek that presence that the person involved brings to the table. Throughout the song he tells her that he wants to see her, but uses the weather as a cop out and says "maybe tomorrow will be better, can I call you then?" She knows his ways but sticks around it seems like. But by the end of the song, a waitress at a coffee shop and his surroundings make him realize how much he misses his love and tells her that he knows they will be together soon and that he can't wait till then! This ending is so perfect for me. Because I know the feeling. I may stray and run from my friends, family, or potential love interests, but I know at some point I will stop the running and stubbornness and will gain control and I always realize how important they are. So hopefully more people can realize the internal conflict people like this face and realize that it is not personal towards them in any way. It is just an internal issue. He may only momentarily want to be with her -hence the reference to saying it's a shame about the weather (if he was really sure he would do what it took, regardless of weather conditions)-and can't wait to see her, but the fact that the feeling is there, shows how much he cares. This song is not only great because I relate to it tremendously, but also because of the heartfelt performance Zac Brown gives to this song. He is very emotional and very powerful. It has a great message. As a girl described often as a "gypsy," I appreciate a song like this that I can relate to. 

Lyrics: 

She'd trade Colorado

If he'd take her with him

Closes the door 

Before the winter lets the cold in

And wonders if her love is

Strong enough to make him stay

She's answered by the taillights

Shining through the window pane

He said, "I wanna see you again,

But I'm stuck in colder weather

Maybe tomorrow will be better,

Can I call you then?"

She said, "You're a ramblin' man

And you ain't ever gonna change

You got a gypsy's soul to blame

And you were born for leaving"

At a truck stop diner

Just outside a' Lincoln,

The night is black as

The coffee he was drinkin'

And in the waitress' eyes

He sees the same ole' light is shining

He thinks of Colorado

And the girl he left behind him

He said, "I wanna see you again,

But I'm stuck in colder weather

Maybe tomorrow will be better,

Can I call you then?"

She said, "You're a ramblin' man

And you ain't ever gonna change

You got a gypsy's soul to blame

And you were born for leaving"

Born for leaving

Well it's a winding road

When you're in the lost and found

You're a lover, I'm a runner

And we go round and round

And I love you, but I leave you

I don't want you, but I need you

You know it's you that calls me back here, baby!

Oh, I wanna see you again,

But I'm stuck in colder weather

Maybe tomorrow will be better,

Can I call you then?

Cause I'm a ramblin' man

(I ain't ever gonna change) 

I ain't ever gonna change

(I got a gypsy's soul to blame)

And I was born for leaving

Born for leaving

When I close my eyes I see you

No matter where I am

I can smell your perfume

Through these whisperin' pines

I'm with your ghost again

It's a shame about the weather,

But I know soon we'll be together

And I can't wait till then

I can't wait till then 

Link to video of Live Performance (he has no official music video yet b/c the song is still fairly new :( sorry!!!! )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd_K4KTchBg

Sweet Nostalgia

In light of analyzing the past year of my life...I have come to one conclusion: LIFE GOES ON.

I have gone through many changes within this last year and I can honestly say I wouldn't take one moment back. Some of it was extremely tough to go through, but I truly believe I am stronger because of it. I gained a lot in the last year and I have lost some as well.

I had to deal with my first broken heart but got to figure out how to love myself and gain my confidence back. I had to learn to let go of the single person who made me happiest and most upset all in one...But in the meantime I found out that I can love another. And that God knows what He's doing. Sometimes two people just aren't compatible. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with either of them. It's just not meant to be. There is no better feeling than finally reaching that realization.

I gained a new family member this year as well. I now have an amazing new brother-in-law who made all my big sister's dreams come true. I can never express how thankful I am for having this perfect addition to our family. i don't remember another time that I have ever been as happy for someone else as I was for my sister on her wedding day. It was a day we had dreamed about for years and it finally came true. I feel like she could not have found a better match and that they will have a lifetime full of blessings to come.

More recently, I have reunited with old friends and met some amazing new ones. I know friendships are true when I feel like I've known someone forever after just spending a couple days with them. Words cannot describe the appreciation and love I have for my friends, new and old. They have stuck with me and listened to my whining, complaining, and lame jokes. And they always do so with a smile and a hug.

I couldn't ask for more in my life at the moment. So many things have happened and changed for me. And I do not regret one of those things. I some of my biggest ups and biggest downs during this time and I will forever be thankful for the people who came in and out of my life during that time, and of course am truly thankful for those who are here to stay. I'm doin' alright for the time being and couldn't ask for anything better than this.

The Chorus from the song "This" by Darius Rucker kind of puts things in perspective for my mental state and the way I view all of this that has happened the last year.

"Every stoplight I didnt make

Every chance I did or I didnt take

All the nights I went too far

All the girls that broke my heart

All the doors that I had to close

All the things I knew but I didn't know

Thank god for all I missed

Cause it led me here to this"

Preparation Fail

I woke up to a beautiful chilly morning with coffee already brewing in the pot. I walked out onto the balcony and thought I smelled that raider spirit in the air...my mistake. It was just the stockyards. I guess it was setting me up for the irony soon to come in my day. I did my workout and it went well. Then proceeded on to class. I got to class and it turns out that I was in the wrong classroom. A misprint had occurred on the schedule I had printed out. So I went to the library and waited until my next class..and low and behold the same thing happened. Great. I missed three classes today due to a misprint. I guess that's what I get for trying to get ahead of the game for once and printing off my schedule a couple of weeks in advance! Moral of my story for the day is that procrastination is the best way to go! (That's just for me. You may be different!) So I went on with my day and walked back to my lonesome three story condo and settled in with some coffee and the fireplace. It wasn't a terrible day but goes to show that being well-prepared doesn't ALWAYS have its benefits. So it's okay to be negative at times :) On the bright side, a friend of mine did get me an interview for a job where he works today so shortly I will be going to try that out. Hopefully that will turn out better than the outcome of attempting to go to class! I know it's really cold out and flowers are nowhere to be seen, but I remember taking the above picture when I went home a couple years ago and it makes me wish the spring would hurry and arrive! But then again, there is no point in rushing life. Right? So instead I will reminisce and appreciate what God has put in front of me today even though he probably got a good laugh out of my frustration with my school schedule. I don't blame him though! I laugh at my own luck sometimes.


Good day my loves. 

"The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Be good anyway."